Lemon Squares

I have decided to publish my first novel and shall write it here for your viewing pleasure.

Once upon a time there was a girl, we shall call her... Nargaret. Now not only was Nargaret clever and witty, she was also quite awesome. Before she was a year old she had already mastered four languages, and by the time she was 12 she had slayed a dragon and found the Holy Grail. She also liked long walks on the beach. Well not really because the sand was rather hot, and once you got to one place you had to turn around and do the long walk back....

But I digress.

This story is about lemon squares.

Oh, I hear the reader cry, Lemon squares! A metaphor about life! Lemons because when life hands you lemons, you make lemon squares! And squares, because although everyone makes fun on them they are rather important to all aspects of life.

No.

Lemon squares because I say so, and when life hands you lemons you stick them in your bra to make your boobs look bigger.

But once again I digress.

This is a story about lemon squares.

Nargaret had decided to bake a batch of them on a cold tuesday night. The sky was a beautiful hazy color, and the smog had lowered, causing the inhabitants of Riverside to lower their noses into their coats and seek shelter indoors.

After wresting the box out of the hungry clutches of her hair, she settled onto an uncomfortable bar stool and started to read. And after making sure she had the directions right, she started to make the delicious dessert.

Bake for 22 to 26 minutes or until the center doesn't juggle when you shake it and the top is a golden brown.

She paused for a minute, wondering why everything was ready only when it was a perfect golden brown. Maybe, just maybe thats why society was so obsessed with tanning and weight loss, because they considered themselves only perfect when they were golden brown and didn't jiggle when shaken.

Enlightened by this epiphany, Nargaret proclaimed it to all the world in her blog (cause only cool people blog).

"Society's obsession with being thin and tan has nothing to do with the media or Hollywood!" she cried from her balcony with passion, "It's the baking companies! They have driven into our minds that we are only perfect when we are golden brown on the outside and don't juggle when shaken!"

The hobo pushing his loaded shopping cart paused and glanced up at her, a golden halo of light and smog had formed around her, maybe because he was high off his ass, but he raised his fist in acknowledgment and cried out, "Here! Here!"

Nargaret was about to respond when the beeper went off inside, signaling the readiness of her lemon squares, so leaving her one and only follower she went to go give an experimental shake to her treat.

It jiggled. She punched in another four minutes, and when that beeped, she shook the pan again and it juggled still. Another 4 minutes and still it jiggled.

"Why won't it stop jiggling!?" she yelled angrily, throwing her oven mit across the kitchen and having it bounce off the counter and hit her in the leg.

"That's what she said," the small voice in her head responisble for obscene humor said with a slight snigger.

Nargaret laughed as well and punched in another 7 minutes into the microwave timer.

Finally, after too long, the lemon squares were perfect, and ready for their introduction into society where they would be loved, adored and envied for being the perfect shade of golden brown and not juggling when shaken.

The End.